The most self-assured and confident of us have experienced awkward business or social encounters at some time or another. These awkward moments can easily colour our encounters with other people, leaving us and them with a residual feeling of discomfort, resentment or "unfinished business" after we have parted.

We are left with a "red face" because we believe we have said the "wrong" thing; or we may feel resentful at having been "ripped off" because we did not get our point across clearly in a business deal.

Other common problem areas include those few moments before answering a summons to see the boss in his office or standing up to say a few words in public.
Dealing with unwelcome demands from others, handling just or unjust critical attack and claiming our rights when others seem bent on thwarting them are, for the most of us, at the most stressful end of the "awkwardness" continuum.

In extreme cases, we may show signs of stress and anxiety - such as breaking into a cold sweat, feeling our vocal cords seize up or our hands and legs beginning to shake uncontrollably.

Assertiveness
"He who hesitates is not lost"

Almost all difficulties we experience when encountering other people are due to "automatic responding" where, we have begun talking without first properly engaging our brain and are in the process of saying something which we already regret.

On the other hand, if we wish to deal with any awkward encounter effectively, there is simply no substitute for pausing briefly while we assess what is happening around us and how we are going to behave once we join in.

This "freeze-frame" need only be activated for a few brief seconds when we become aware of the danger of automatic responses. However, it can be a timesaver and often a face-saver, giving us a buffer period in which to decide how to handle a given situation.

Your Rights

1. The right to change your mind
   
2. The right to make mistakes
   
3. The right to make decisions or statements without having to justify them.
   
4. The right not to know or understand about something
   
5. The right to feel and express emotions, both positive and negative, without feeling that it is weak or undesirable to do so
   
6. The right not to get involved with someone else's problems if you do not want to
   
7. The right to refuse demands on you
   
8. The right to be judge of yourself and your own actions and to cope with their consequences
   
9. The right simply to be yourself without having to act for other people's benefit
   
10. The right to do all of these things without giving any reasons at all for your actions

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